the bus i let go past

notes to myself. on why i stall before starting things.

the stop

you are at a bus stop. three buses come. all of them go to your town.

you want the fastest one so you let all three go past.

you are still at the stop.

they all go to your town

almost any option gets you most of what you wanted. the gap between the good one and the best one is small. the gap between any bus and no bus is the whole journey.

i spend my effort on the small gap and none on the big one.

comparing feels like working

reading about buses feels productive. asking around feels productive. nothing moves.

that is the trap. the stalling wears the costume of care.

count what the waiting costs

i can write one of these notes in about two hours. so ten hours spent picking is five notes i did not write.

put it in units you actually spend and it stops feeling free.

the real question

it feels like i am asking which bus. i am actually asking whether i ever go.

say it is two months from now and you still have not gone. are you surprised. if not then this was never now or later. it was now or never.

getting on one

ask somebody which bus. they answer in five seconds from outside the stop.

take the obvious one. the one you would name without thinking.

or jump forward. it is a month later and you have been riding the same bus the whole time and it was fine. which one was it.

make it the one that leaves without you deciding

a fixed time. a reminder. somebody who charges you when you skip.

once it runs by itself the choosing stops costing anything.

sometimes the bus does matter

some choices are expensive to undo and worth a real look.

most are not. most of mine were a bus.

why i keep this

i stall hardest on the things with the most upside. the vaguer and bigger it is the longer i stand there.

so when i notice i am comparing instead of moving i take the first one that goes to my town.